“Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” – Matthew chapter 6 verse 27
Yesterday I asked a group of young adults that I meet with weekly a question:
What are some of the most common fears people have about the future?
1. Being judged by others
6. Being alone
Sometimes I wonder how many hours of my own life have been spent worrying about these things; about whether or not I’m good enough, whether I’m meeting some insurmountable standard that I’m not even sure who set.
I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed dreaming, or hoping, or creating, because it seems like there’s no room. “I have more important things to worry about now.”
I think I’ve forgotten how to feel.
My mind can’t remember how to wander, it couldn’t get lost if it tried.
I used to wonder about whether we could really shame the wise with the wisdom of foolish love, I used to wonder what it would look like if we all took down our walls and looked eye to eye at the human standing in front of us and saw only that, a human, a brother. I used to indulge in these outlandish fantasies, even if momentarily.
And now I’m wondering how I can fit all these tasks in, how I can produce more, how I can impress you, how I can prove that I’m a success, and you,
you took my pen from my hand and said stop dreaming girl. Join the line, fit the mould, work harder, straighten up, straighten out every single crease and bump until your flat and lifeless and no longer a threat to our culture of productivity,
I used to dream.
A wise man spoke some harsh truth to me the other night.
He told me, breathe.
You’re so frantic, so stuck in this cycle of systematic production, so anxious about doing everything right that you’re doing nothing well. Not because it isn’t good enough. But because you’re not in it. You feel nothing for it. You are not changed by it. You are surrounded by life but you’ve become so bound by the factory formula that compels you to do more, produce more, have more…
that you have nothing. And you’re moving faster than ever. But you are empty.
He said, you are flying past the life you’ve been dreaming of.
In pursuit of the next best thing because you’re afraid that what you’ve got and who you are is not good enough.
Pause. Listen.. Feel. Taste. See. Be. Pause. Breathe.
By all means pursue your dreams but remember to check that they are actually yours. By all means compete. By all means be driven. But too much competition and drive will keep you reaching forever and stop you from being thankful for what is in your hands.
And he was right.
I came into this world with nothing and I will leave it with nothing.
In a world of 7 billion people there is an incredibly minute chance that I will be remembered. That is quite a freeing thought. Not that my life is worthless, but that it’s worthless wasting it worrying.
Because if you do remember me, God forbid it be for the fact that I was too busy to care. To worried about my to do list that I never enjoyed doing.
If you do remember me for anything, I hope it is for loving, deeply. For noticing the outsider and creating space for her. For sitting with you in your hurt. For filling rooms with joy. . I hope you remember my laugh. My eyes that took the time to really see you. For being fearless in challenging the things in life that keep us captive and isolated.
Not for being too afraid to try.
About the Author:
Katie is a social work student at Massey University and part time youth pastor at North West Anglican. Katie is originally from the UK, giving our GC team the ‘cool accent’ factor. Katie loves food, people and fitness, and is always off on a hike or run somewhere exciting. She speaks at and MC’s our cafe events, and writes for the blog.